Today is my birthday and for those who know me really well, they know that I get particularly melancholy around my birthday. I have never really understood why. I do notice that I tend to reflect on my life and the world around me as well as my death and whether my life was a good one. Here is my best guess as to why my soul is cranky about being in a body at this time.
In my yearly reflection a few of themes stood out...
When I was born I had fluid on my lungs and was put in an incubator. I feel like this plexiglass bubble is how I first interacted with my parents. I have felt an invisible wall since. Makes me really believe in the theories about how birth can set the tone for certain things that echo out into our adult lives. I had a real felt sense of it on a journey where I had asked to see the root of my illness at the time and I saw my birth and then experienced with my adult mind the feeling of hearing and seeing my parents and not being able to touch or experience their energy early on. I have always felt a little separated from the world, and still do.
Another theme that seems to circulate around my life is that of slavery. I am currently reading Andrea Stuart's "Sugar in the Blood" a narrative of her family ancestry in Barbados. The African side of my family is of slave stock from Barbados, so this book gives me insight into what my ancestors must have experienced. I can't help but compare the sugar addiction of Europeans and the acceptance of slavery (anything for that dopamine) to our current addiction to i-gadgets and porn (anything for that dopamine). Yes our lives today rely on slavery or near slave conditions for everything from the clothes we wear to the i-phone we chat on. I especially think the banking/debt system is an especially pernicious type of slavery... Paper shackles! I have always felt like all forms of slavery should be eradicated. I think the history of the world could possibly be explained solely by human's need to push the dopamine button. That silly neocortex just allows us to build more fancy tools to further push the dopamine button. Man have we gotten creative... so much so that it is destroying the place.
In my 34th year my mind is sharp, my body is firm with ever so slight hints of omental adiposity to come, and my soul remains cranky!
Is it me or has everything gotten really intense lately? Time seems to be flying by. You blink and months go by. Everyone seems stressed to their wits end. Core issues for healing are being drawn up to the surface for all. This becomes a good opportunity to re-center and figure out what is most important in life. What do I want to spend my precious time on? What do I focus my attention on?
What we focus on is what creates reality. I don't mean this in an ostrich-head-in-the-sand sort of way. We all make micro-decisions each day that affect the outcome of thousands of realities. Steer your ship to where you want to go... You can steer it to the rocks or to the cove. You pick, you are in charge of this aspect no matter how crazy things are. We are never given more than we can actually handle... I just think of it as training. What are you being trained for?
So here's to another year of training, another year of creating a better reality for everyone, another year of the senses, another year of growth, another year closer to death, and another year of emancipating ones self from mental slavery...
Thanks to all in my life who have contributed to my life and growth. Life is sweet because of you all.